Courage My Love - December 14, 2010

Life for Duncan takes courage right now. I just found out last night that he lost his boat. He has been out of work for about a year and a half, gone through whatever savings he had, and no longer has his most precious possession.

He loved that damn boat, but as I comiserated with him I reminded him that it is just stuff, and you can always get more stuff (like George Carling said). Still it is heart breaking for him, that was his dream and now he is sharing a one bedroom apartment  with his sister. There is no work where he is, no work here, but we are hopeful.

He is smart, funny, talented and oh so good with people. Any company would be mad not to hire him.

The weather today is in keeping with the emotions of the day. It is wet sloppy cold, hovering between rain and snow. It is dark and dreary. Double crap day.

I am going to go away now and have my head adjusted (I know you are thinking the only thing that could do that is a pipe wrench) and maybe come back later, with a more optimistic outlook on life.

Okay it is several hours later, and I promise - no more doom and gloom. There is some lightness in the world, we just need to seek it out. I have experienced depression (that wet wool blanket on your brain and body) and I know you can't just shake it off, but sometimes we need to actually look for things that lift your spirits. It's sort of the theory of like attracts like. Everyone has something that lifts their spirits instantly, it could be your dog with a "so glad you're home" look on his face, or the smell of bread baking or the fact that Tax Canada made a mistake in your favour to the tune of $25,000.00.

A lot of what lifts our spirits has to do with our senses (fuck me I'm a genius - like no one ever realized that before!!). Music, that can change my whole outlook on a day. A couple of tunes by BEP, or maybe Pink and yes oh yes, some old time rock and roll will take me there.  Smell - the baking bread evokes the home and hearth of course, but smells like salt water, burning wood, new cut grass, orange peels all have the same power to trick my brain into sunshine mode.

Sometimes it takes a day of hibernating under the duvet with a really good book, or a soak in the tub, and sometimes just a walk. I find that as a people, a country - we are pretty cynical, it is in our humour, our outlook, heck we sure don't have "In God we Trust" on our currency for a very good reason. We trust no one. I am a born cynic and have to curb that tendency because it can be hurtful, dangerous and constricting. Cynics are not cheerful upbeat people, we can find the bad in anything.

If we win money, it isn't enough. Get a good deal on a house, and complain forever about the taxes and upkeep. Just for once, I would like something to be enough. Good enough. Fast enough. More than enough.
So maybe I have to adopt that attitude. I have enough. Of everything. What I have is pretty good. In fact it is great.

A sort of count your blessings mantra, because honestly I have been very blessed, I live indoors and eat warm food. I have a good income, I am pretty well educated, I have a great home, I have some good friends, I have two dogs (what can I say, they're pretty darn good except for that Chihuahua thing).

So this is where I take that step off the cliff, what's that quote about learning to fly?

“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly”

It's about having some faith, which all things considered has always fallen in the realm of religion, and I've never been a camp follower, so let's take it out of the religious conotation and just say, have faith in yourself, your life and your ability to survive and prosper. Just remember that faith takes Courage My Love....