Courage My Love - Dec 9 2010

Oh it was chilly at work today. The jackass comment did not sit well with the day crew. Oh well, I knew it was wrong, I apologized for it, so you know what? Let it go.

Somethings, like emotions, are not good to hang on to. I can remember hanging on to something that annoyed me and it sucked the life right out of me. It sits in a dark little corner of your brain, and you keep going back to it like your tongue to a sore in your mouth. You don't want to, you don't mean to, but you just can't stop. And each time you do, it hurts a little more, it digs in and twists a bit. I had to let it go, before it turned into a big nasty boil and exploded in my brain.

Maybe that is what happens to evil people, they can't let it go, so it grows, it breeds, it becomes a virus on their soul. Then again, maybe they were just born that way.

I have been thinking about Christmas. It has lost it's lustre for me over the years, and to be honest it was only ever about "getting stuff" for me anyway. I love to see the excitement (greed) on the faces of little children as they get caught up in the whole Christmas shenanigans, but is it real? Is there any wonder and awe left in the world. I was raised as a "sort of" Christian, meaning that my parents were Christians but I was never baptised, I went to Sunday School and I sang in the church choir but I never embraced the whole idea of Jesus. I certainly admire the architecture though, some of the best in the world. I could never wrap my logical mind around the concept of "faith" and certainly the basic tenets of the religion require some suspension of logic, but maybe I missed something.

Once in a while I will feel a connection with something larger than life, not an intelligent in the way we know it being, but a sense of ordered chaos and the immensity of eternity. I can usually get the same feeling looking at my bank statement. Seriously, the only time I have felt a spiritual connection is when I used to go out hiking in the wilderness or sailing up the coast. It was nature and wildness that could bring me to a serene state of contemplation, an almost religious experience (or at least how I imagined that might be).

So by not embracing much of the Christian faith, I don't get to use the afterlife ticket. I don't have to be good to get into heaven, and I do not have to have my sins forgiven to get into heaven, because really there is no heaven. This is it. That's all she wrote. No do over. No second chance. Life the life you got.

If there is rebirth, perhaps reincarnation, what the hell good is it if we can't remember this one? What if we were reborn into 1955. And could remember our first trip through? Me, I'd be buying Microsoft stock, buying up land and staying out of tall buildings. Maybe if you're really really good in this life, you get to have another one. And if you're really bad, you get to have two...

So, if this is the only time you get to ride the train, the only time to get to spend with people you love forever, what are you waiting for....have fun, because eternity takes courage my love!!