Oh I need courage! They are still out on strike, although I haven't been there for most of it. I had two weeks off, went in for two days, went off sick for two days and then decided to use more holidays. SRSLY they are piss assing around pretending they are getting work done. Loading rail cars, fuck me it is so boring. I got to drive the crew van and build the rail loads. By the end of the day I had a splitting headache from the obnoxious fumes the crew van put out and I seriously wanted to kill most of the guys in the van. I thought about just aiming the van at the river, stomping the shit out of the gas and just sailing out, over and into the water. With any luck, they could not swim and I would not have to put up with any dumb shit anymore.
The only decent day I had was installing accessories on vehicles. Working on 80K cars, nice. The NCI's had freaking cameras in it, so you could back up and not hit shit, it was amazing. It even had these cool projection lines on the screen so you could see your clearance ahead and at the sides. Loved it.
Then when I woke up the next morning I just could not do it anymore, just could not. Andrea was sick, as in very, we have palliative care now and while there are some uplifting moments when she rallies, it is not going to be all that much longer. The next infection will probably take her out. So all in all, I did not want to go into work and do that crap again, so I just called in and said "you know what, there is just so much stuff happening in my dark life right now, I just can't focus or concentrate on anything, so it's be better for everyone if I wasn't there". I need to win the lottery. Truly it would certainly ease all my situations. However, karma is dictating that I must work off my sins and the operative word is "work" - no lottery get out of jail card for me.
The only light in my paltry little life is the garden. I think there were steroids in the soil or something. I have these monstrous god damn jesus high plants that are threatening to take over the entire yard. I could probably open a farmers market, seriously, the zuchini are mutant, the tomatoes are like a jungle (a really cool jungle) since I have yellow heritage ones, romas, beefstakes, best boys, tiny tims - actually 9 different kinds. Still time to go until they are ripe. Carrots galore. Red onions the size of softballs, carrots that are so sweet and lovely, cucumbers (not too big yet). And those zuchini, my god never mind a farmers market, I could open a sex shop. Every day we have beautiful sweet strawberries from the plants on the rock garden. And flowers, gosh I forgot the flowers, lots of them - shasta daisies and day lilies and peonies and mums and dahlias. And better yet, the herb garden - sage, thyme, Italian parsley, oregano, summer savoury, dill, rosemary, basil and lavender.
Speaking of farmers markets - what the hell is the point? If I really wanted that experience I could go to a third world country where they shop outside all the time. Farmers markets are excuses to sell some not so bad produce at outrageous prices and call them "organic" ( a word which really means they haven't washed the dirt and shit off the veggies) I could spend $200 on veggies and some aromatic goat cheese and get it all into a tiny bag. I'd rather shop indoors (even I avoid the Big Box Fake Food stores like Safeway) at our local Vietnamese market, where most of the veggies are fresh and cheap, and I don't know half of what they are, and that always is an adventure.
It takes courage my love to start the garden, but oh, sometimes courage has it's rewards....
COURAGE MY LOVE... May you have the courage you need to be the person you want to be.
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