April 3, 2012

It is spring, although it is hard to tell. The long dark tunnel of winter rain and heavy cold clouds have extended into the cruelest month. We had a tease of sun, once or twice it seems in the last six months, but no warm harbinger of green and growing things.

The garden lays untouched. A muck and weed infested patch that seems to be a metaphor for my life.

Do I sound depressed? I never thought I would have a Wet Coast Whine... " I wanna see the sun!" but alas I do.

What has happened in the last bit since I've been here, which seems just this side of forever. I had most of the summer off, then I went back to work and it sucks. I just cannot get excited about the dumb shit we do at work. It isn't airplanes or rocket science, and it isn't innovative, but it is repetitive, it is mindless soul sucking work. Seriously, it isn't that bad, but my brain is only engaging with 1/10 of 1%.

One really sad thing that happened is that Wayne died. Suddenly and shockingly dead. All of us were rocked to the core. How fragile is our lives, how short, how unknowing.

I am reading the Steve Jobs autobiography. What a complete and utter asshole, brilliant, incredible, one of a kind asshole. Loved him, hated him, would not have wanted to be him. He did bring us forward by light years with the intuitive approach to technology. It's funny, but when I first bought my Ipad, I thought how it responded to me, and intuitive was the only word that describes it. It does what I think it will do and does it in a way that I think it should. It matches my hands on a book, my fingers on a keyboard, my brain in free flight. Insanely wonderful ubertoy.

Ok so I am going to try coming back here on a somewhat regular basis. I need some renewal, some rebirth. I am taking a simpler path these days.  Life seems like a heavy burden at times and I need to lighten the load on my soul.

This beats the hell out of using an automatic weapon in a shopping mall.