April 20, 2011 - Courage My Love

Today is Hitler's birthday. I do not know why that stuck in my brain, it just did. From the 11th grade. Too bad the important stuff didn't stick.

A bad news sort of day, Andrea went to see the transplant team and it looks as if she will not be getting the transplant. Too sick. Let's see, lung failure, kidneys are failing, new nasty viral infection, going blind - not exactly a prime candidate for surviving the transplant. They told her she has about a year left. God. That sucks. She is so not ready.

I am not sure I am either. We have home care now, but this will probably go down hill quite quickly. We have been checking out full time care facilities, there will come a time soon when I will not be able to take care of her, even with home care.

I guess I should not get too depressed over this (because after all it is not me who is dying), she has fought back before. Ten years ago or more when she got sick, they told her she had 2 - 3 years left, so we have managed to stave off death from our door before.  Well whatever the outcome, I need to make sure she departs with some dignity.

I need to phone the cousins and let them know that if they want to see her, then they best come out and do it now. We are not making that journey back there to see them. I am more than a little pissed at them anyway, so this probably won't be a great bunch of phone calls. Not once have the fuckers ever come out to visit.

This is not a night I should be writing.