Courage My Love - December 31, 2010

We approach the end of another year. Not approach as in a train on the tracks, or a car on the road or even a meeting of two friends. It is more of a stumble, a lurching, shambling shuffle towards the edge of the mortal coil. The year is spent, gone, kerplunkt, caput, all the todays have become yesterdays and the days before yesterday. 

Traditionally this is the time of year for endings, death and disaster. The deepest dark nights of winter, the harvest is over, the land dead and still, and little if any hope is left that the light will return. It is also the time that we begin to think (and hope) for what may come. The light, the heat, the chance to begin again. The new year is the first rebirth. Everyone gets a do over. Doesn't matter how bad you fucked up last year, you got a whole new year to try and fuck up less.

It is likened to blank pages, the chance to start again, the time to resolve that you will be better, faster, stronger. It is for wishes of what we could be if we weren't so (fill in the blanks) fat, ugly, stupid, slow, poor, insecure, greedy and it is for trying to get rid of all that we think is bad about us like (fill in the blanks) smoking, drinking, swearing, over eating. It's also a time to put away all the things that pissed us off in the last year. Politicians, lazy people, crooks, mean people, evil people, war, the price of gas, the line up in the grocery store, bad drivers. Just junk them, ditch them.

Making resolutions for the New Year has been, over the years, a source of erosion for my self esteem, since I never hold to them. I think I have found a couple that I can actually stick to for the upcoming year. I resolve to stop recycling. I mean it's a cash grab anyway, isn't it? They (whoever they may be) convince you to clean out dirty cans and bottles, stack your paper into like piles and place everything in a lovely box by the curbside every week. Cui Bono? Do I really think, that in my life time I will save one paltry tree in the wilderness, lessen our dependance on oil or buy back green space from Corporate America? Not likely. More likely is that the items I put out for recycle are collected and sold in bulk lots to overseas buyers who then make them into every tawdrier items that they resell back to me at inflated prices. So I quit. No more recycle for me. I will not wash out another tomato soup tin, or separate the newspaper from the cardboard. It all goes in one big pile in the garbage.

I feel better already. What else can I resolve for the year that at least stands a chance of success? Oh, I know. I will not file my taxes on time. Heck that was easy!

I will crank up the heat when I am cold instead of putting on the virtuous sweater. I resolve to continue smoking, and I may even take up drinking. I will stop ignoring assholes in traffic and join the throng that is showing them how they really feel with sign language.

And as for the days yet to come in this newest of years, who knows what they hold? The future may or may not be yours, you might live on for 50 more years or become a bug on a windshield tomorrow. What ever may come, all I know is that the future takes courage, my love.